Random Thoughts

My son may look like a man, he may sound like a man, and he may carry himself like a man. But every man is still learning about girls and he is still a teenage boy. He likes you and he is nervous and scared. And he is totally clueless. Go easy on him.
If my son asks you on a date, if you want it to be ‘friends only’ you are required to ensure that is exactly what you say. You are a teenage girl, he is a teenage boy. Grown men do not properly read the signals woman say they do not send out, there is no way he does. You both will have a better time if it is crystal clear, preferably in writing, what the intent of the date is.
You will not use my son to ‘get back at your old boyfriend’ or to make someone jealous. If that type of thought ever enters your mind, please seek help.
If my son escorts you to a dance, you will dance with him. You will not dance with other boys.
If you would like to hang out with my son, you will have to put up with me. I am out on a weekend pass and I am unsure of what I will do or say next.
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for girls your age to wear Britney Spears T-shirts that do not reach their low-slung pants or necklines that sink lower than the Dow Jones Industrial Average. My wife and I have discussed this, and, since we want to be fair and open-minded about it, you are free to show up in such attire, however, my wife will affix your clothing properly to your body with a glue gun. I will then reinforce her work with duct tape.
Know that my son is protected by me, “yes even though he is a boy” until death do us part. Take me at face value when I tell you that I shook the concept of fear of both my fellow man and my own actions 20 years ago. Ask around, I am the definition of hard-ass.
Know it’s my job (practically a sport for me) to question you as if your intentions are nefarious. I have no way of telling what is going on in your head, so count on my questioning you intensely and I’m better at it than a Veteran New York Vice Cop.
If you call my house or text my son, your conversation may be monitored by a customer service representative for quality control purposes.
I have raised my son to be a gentleman. He knows that if he is not a gentleman, he will have to answer to me. And he is a gentleman, one who deserves a lady. Treat him the way you will want your future son treated. Someday you just may realize, he is the one that you should have gotten to know better.

I found this on a site, author unknown. I modified is slighty (mostly fixed a few typos).

1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.

3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

5. Always use “we” when referring to your home team or your government.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. DON’T underestimate free throws in a game of HORSE.

8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

9. Don’t dumb it down.

10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.

12. Never park in front of a bar.

13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first girl/boyfriend.

15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.

16. A suntan is earned, not bought.

17. Never lie to your doctor.

18. All guns are loaded.

19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.

20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.

21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.

22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.

23. A handshake beats an autograph.

24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.

25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.

26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

27. Never get your haircut the day of a special event.

28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.

31. Eat lunch with the new kids.

32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.

33. It’s never too late for an apology.

34. Don’t pose with booze.

35. If you have right of way. TAKE IT.

36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.

37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

38. Never push someone off a dock.

39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she is pregnant.

40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry, live up to it.

41. Don’t make a scene.

42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

43. Know when to ignore the camera.

44. Never gloat.

45. Invest in great luggage.

46. Make time for your mom on your birthday, It’s her special day too.

47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

49. Give credit. Take Blame.

50. Suck it up every now and again.

51. Never be the last one in the pool.

52. Don’t stare.

53. Respect everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.

55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.

56. Admit it when you’re wrong.

57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.

58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

59. Thank the bus driver.

60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

62. Know at least one good joke.

63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.

64. Know how to cook one good meal.

65. Learn to drive a stick shift.

66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

68. Dance with your mother/father.

69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.

70. Always thank the host.

71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.

72. Know the size of your boyfriend/girlfriends clothes.

73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.

74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait your turn to talk.

75. Keep your word.

76. In college always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately. Come grade time might come in handy.

77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for 9 months.

78. Be patient with airport security. They are just doing their job.

79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.

80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

81. You are what you do. Not what you say.

82. Learn to change a tire.

83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

85. Don’t litter.

86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

87. You won’t always be the strongest or fastest. But you can be the toughest.

88. Never call someone before 9 AM or after 9PM.

89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

90. Make the little things count.

91. Always wear a bra at work.

92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

93. You’re never too old to need your mom.

94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.

95. Know the words to your national anthem.

96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun, and makes more friends, than sitting on the bench alone.

97. Smile at strangers.

98. Make Goals.

99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

100. If you HAVE to fight, punch first and punch hard.

Rules for Dating My Son

100 Wise Words