Oct 112015
- My son may look like a man, he may sound like a man, and he may carry himself like a man. But every man is still learning about girls and he is still a teenage boy. He likes you and he is nervous and scared. And he is totally clueless. Go easy on him.
- If my son asks you on a date, if you want it to be ‘friends only’ you are required to ensure that is exactly what you say. You are a teenage girl, he is a teenage boy. Grown men do not properly read the signals woman say they do not send out, there is no way he does. You both will have a better time if it is crystal clear, preferably in writing, what the intent of the date is.
- You will not use my son to ‘get back at your old boyfriend’ or to make someone jealous. If that type of thought ever enters your mind, please seek help.
- If my son escorts you to a dance, you will dance with him. You will not dance with other boys.
- If you would like to hang out with my son, you will have to put up with me. I am out on a weekend pass and I am unsure of what I will do or say next.
- I am aware that it is considered fashionable for girls your age to wear Britney Spears T-shirts that do not reach their low-slung pants or necklines that sink lower than the Dow Jones Industrial Average. My wife and I have discussed this, and, since we want to be fair and open-minded about it, you are free to show up in such attire, however, my wife will affix your clothing properly to your body with a glue gun. I will then reinforce her work with duct tape.
- Know that my son is protected by me, “yes even though he is a boy” until death do us part. Take me at face value when I tell you that I shook the concept of fear of both my fellow man and my own actions 20 years ago. Ask around, I am the definition of hard-ass.
- Know it’s my job (practically a sport for me) to question you as if your intentions are nefarious. I have no way of telling what is going on in your head, so count on my questioning you intensely and I’m better at it than a Veteran New York Vice Cop.
- If you call my house or text my son, your conversation may be monitored by a customer service representative for quality control purposes.
- I have raised my son to be a gentleman. He knows that if he is not a gentleman, he will have to answer to me. And he is a gentleman, one who deserves a lady. Treat him the way you will want your future son treated. Someday you just may realize, he is the one that you should have gotten to know better.
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